Unanimously the best love story ever possible has already been written so we cannot innovate too much in this field. That is why we are going to use what we already have...namely a little play called “Romeo and Juliet“.We’re going to keep Mr. Shakespeare as a screenwriter and adapt his lovely play making this also “The best remake you’ll ever see”.
It’s very hard to cast actors for this kind of project so our producers decided to go for some names that will do the story justice (not like that Leo DiCaprio…no offense). For Juliet we casted the darling and daring Audrey Hepburn. So what do you do when you need to find a suitable partner for Audrey Hepburn, one who lives up to the name, the role and the story : George Clooney, what else ?
The setting changes as well. We switch from Verona to Paris. No need to explain this one.
Now let’s go on with the story : the two famous families the Montagues and the Capulets are sworn rivals. While the Montagues are Republicans, the Capulets are Democrats.
Romeo and Juliet meet at a costume party where Audrey/Juliet is dressed as an angel whilst Romeo/George is dressed as James Bond. The first tries to jump of the balcony while the latter comes to save her life. The two begin to talk on said balcony (obviously overlooking the Eiffel tower).Their love begins to blossom throughout the scene (given the two actors love at first sight is more than justified). All is well until Whoopy Goldberg (casted as Juliet’s nurse) tells them that their families hate eachother.
Romeo Clooney has a fight with his cousin because he still wants to see Juliet. He then goes underneath Juliet’s balcony where the very famous scene takes place:
"But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun."
"O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?"
"Oh Juliet, you know that I could use somebody…
someone like you with all you know and how you speak”
Romeo manages to go up to her room. The two share a passionate kiss and then we can only imagine what happens next. The following morning right before sunrise, on the same balcony we see Juliet clinging on to the rail of the balcony and Romeo behind her. Their arms are extended and Romeo says “I’m king of the world!” Juliet becomes sad all of a sudden. She then tells Romeo the truth about her family. As the sun rises we see Audrey Capulet begin to glow in the sunlight. She is a vampire…
Like many other fictional characters before him,Romeo doesn’t let such a tiny detail keep him apart from his true love. Alas, tragedy strikes in the form of their two cousins killing each other (the cousins will be played by Bruce Willis and John Travolta).Romeo is blamed for both deaths and therefore sentenced to exile from Paris. Both families are looking for him.
Seeing that they cannot hide from their families, Juliet-Audrey decides to fake her own death so that she could elope with Romeo-George. Romeo-George thinks that his lover was murdered by her vampire family because of their relationship. He murders himself on the stairs of the Notre Dame. When Juliet wakes up it is already too late to save Romeo from his fate or turn him into a vampire. She takes him to the nearest construction site and they spend eternity buried in cement.
Soundtrack will feature Celine Dion, Frank Sinatra, Edith Piaf and of course :
